Legend Of Zelda Movie Cast List Revealed

"Here at the Lance, we pride ourselves on our ability to violate international copyright laws in new and innovative ways." --- Sean Chapman

As you likely, or possibly unlikely, know, Popular Video Game franchise The Legend Of Zelda is due to receive a movie adaptation, with a recent press release placing the release date in March of 2027. If you’re like me, you’ve likely been following the news of production closely. However, I have been somewhat tentative about the overall quality of the movie. It was recently announced that the movie would be kind of a mishmash of both Breath of The Wild and Tears Of The Kingdom. Fortunately for me, however, we at the Lance somehow, through unknown means that we may not discuss pending litigation, have gained access to a leaked cast list, which you, dear viewer, shall get premier access to. So let's break down the list today in a Lance special issue!

Jason Momoa as Link

Starting off strong, we have the amazing Jason Momoa as Link!

Emma Stone as Zelda

According to Stone, this was not her first idea either, but a recent Harry Potter royalty check bounced leaving her in dire financial standing forcing her to accept the role.

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as Ganondorf

Glad to see him here! His inclusion reportedly added an extra zero to the budget, making this movie the first film to break a billion dollar budget.

Gal Gadot as Impa

Gal Gadot continues her streak of acting in more family friendly movies, as she wants her work to be enjoyed by children of all ages, as long as they are not Palestinian.

Chris Pratt as The King Of Hyrule

You know, I’m going to be honest, I’m just as confused as you are.

Jack Black as Calamity Ganon

The rumors that Jack Black’s modern career is an endless series of Sidequests do seem to hold some weight.

Collin Meinert as Kass

The casting director must’ve gotten desperate, I guess.

Drake as Daruk

Times have been tough for Drake since the beef ended.

Jamie Lee Curtis as Mipha

How old is the link supposed to be again? That's a bit of a yikes.

Rock “The Dwayne” Johnson as Revali

Reported rumors that Rock “The Dwayne” Johnson is simply Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson wearing a fake mustache have yet to be substantiated.

Kevin Hart as Urbosa

Isn’t he a little short for the role?

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as Everyone else. Yes, he plays literally everyone else.

While it might seem strange that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson plays literally everyone else, it is actually quite simple, as reportedly the producer utilized a black sacrament which has barred the producer from heaven and permanently damned his soul to the fiery pits of Hell to create several homunculus bereft of the grace of god in the form of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to play everyone else in the movie.

That’s all we have now. I would reveal more, but unfortunately Nintendo Lawyers are currently several seconds away from breaking down the door of the library room the Lance operates out of. We’ll have more news closer to time, and remember, do not let anyone rule out my cause of death as an accident.

Note: This Article was written for April Fools and is simply a joke. While Jax's current location is unknown, he is most definitely NOT in a Nintendo owned Black Site for violation of international copyright laws.