Bubbl'r Has Been Discontinued
North Scott’s favorite fizzy drink, Bubbl’r, has been discontinued and is to be removed from all vending machines, grocery stores, online purchasing sites, and gas stations. That’s right, Bubbl’r will be joining Choco Tacos, Sierra Mist, French Toast Crunch, and other ghosts of snacks past.
Why is Bubbl’r no longer available?
In a recent news article, some experts found out that Bubbl’r had been lying about its caffeine content, as well as the so-called “vitamins” that were included in every can. Bubbl’r claims in its nutrition facts that each can has vitamins B3 and B5, however a recent study proved that neither of those vitamins were evident in the beverage. The nutrition facts also claim that each can has 69 mg of natural caffeine, about the same amount as a cup of coffee. But the same study proved that this is also a lie, that each can includes about 400 mg of caffeine, which is the same amount of caffeine as four cups of coffee, 10 cans of cola or two energy shot drinks. That’s also more caffeine than a large charged lemonade from Panera, which is really saying something.
The Signs were Everywhere
For years, people have been drinking Bubbl’rs and experiencing extreme agitation, confusion, rapid heartbeats, breathing problems, hallucinations, and muscle tremors. One individual in particular reported that he had to go to the hospital after drinking four Bubbl'rs in one day because he was experiencing extreme heartburn. At the time, he assumed he was having a heart attack, but the doctors later revealed that this had probably occurred due to the ridiculous caffeine content.
Bubbl’r Lawsuit
Steve Saunders, the CEO of Bubbl’r, was sued in February for his misleading labels, and will also be serving prison time after admitting in court that he intentionally told the printing company to change the label to make the drinks appear more appealing to consumers.
What Happens Now?
Bubbl’rs will officially be absent from all purchasing sources by the end of March. Bubblr’s main headquarters in Watertown, Wisconsin will be shut down as well and will soon be converted into a new, expanded headquarters for Pepto Bismol by mid to late June. That gives us Bubbl’r lovers plenty of time to mourn the loss of our beloved antioxidant sparkling water.
Maybe someday it will make a comeback.
*disclaimer: this article was written as an April Fool’s joke, and is not credible.
Bubbl’r please do not come for me.
